Two men ordered a couple of pizzas using their real names, phone number and home address. When the delivery man had trouble finding their house, he called and arranged to meet the two men nearby.

“The delivery person got out carrying the pizzas and they put a gun to his face,” a police spokes person said. “So the delivery person threw the pizzas at them, got back in his car and drove off.”

The delivery man drove back to the restaurant and called the police, who had no problem finding the correct house.

A man had a little too much time on his hands one day and decided to play with a set of handcuffs he had lying around the house. He put the handcuffs on and, lacking a key, couldn’t get them off. Did he call a locksmith? No. He called the police.

The responding officers ran a routine computer check on the man and found an outstanding arrest warrant for failing to appear in court for driving on a suspended license. The man was taken into custody - wearing his own handcuffs.

“We took them off like he asked,” said a police spokesman. “Only he was in jail at the time.”

A bungling bank robber, unhappy with his small haul, accidentally set himself on fire in front of stunned tellers and customers.

The man walked into a Canada Trust branch in Burlington, Ontario, with a lit Molotov cocktail and demanded money.

When the robber didn't get as much as he wanted, he grew agitated and began shaking the bottle and screaming. The makeshift bomb exploded, first setting his right hand on fire, then engulfing him in flames.

Wearing a ski mask and carrying a gun, a thief burst into a bank one day.

Aiming his gun at the guard, the thief yelled, "Freeze, mother stickers, this is a f--- up!

For a moment, everyone was silent. Then the snickers started. The guard completely lost it and doubled over laughing. It probably saved his life, because he'd been about to draw his gun. He couldn't have drawn and fired before the thief got him.

The thief ran away.

The bank, in memory of the event, put a plaque on the wall - "Freeze, Mother-Stickers, this is a F--- Up!"

A Sheriff's deputy says “I was recently on patrol when I noticed three males drive a car into the lot of a liquor store, walk in and make a purchase. We have had many problems with underage drinkers so I waited until they drove away. I stopped them and asked the young male driver if he was old enough to purchase liquor. He replied that he was over 21. He looked fairly young so I asked him to show me his driver’s license. I explained that if he was 21 or above, he was free to leave.

“The driver, still seated in the car, patted all of his pockets repeatedly and announced sheepishly that his license was in his trunk.

“The driver got out and opened his trunk which just happened to be full of illegal fireworks along with 5 bags of marijuana wrapped for individual sale.

“The driver then patted his front pants pockets and, with relief, told me he Had found his driver’s license in his front pants pocket. It was there from the beginning.

“The driver, who was old enough to purchase alcohol, and his two companions all went to jail.”